Author: gracefulliving289

Who am I? This is a question that I have struggled with numerous times in the past, and I’d be willing to bet that you have too. I don’t think I’m speaking out of turn by stating that we all want to know that we have worth and to know that we are accepted, right? Figuring out who I am is a journey that I embarked on without even realizing it. I believe that a large part of my struggle with anxiety all goes back to my search for who I am. It wasn’t until I realized whose I am that I realized who I am. Tonight, I want to share with you who God says I am, and who He says you are as His child.

First and foremost, I am a child of God! John 1:12 says “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name.” (NASB) How awesome is that truth! Through salvation (Jesus sacrificing himself on the cross for my sins) I have been made a child of God, He has adopted me into His holy family! I am a child of the King!

I am redeemed! In Ephesians 1:7, Paul writes “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.” (NASB) When I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, acknowledging that He suffered, bled, and died a horrific death on the cross and then rose on the third day to take my place for the sins that I had committed, I became redeemed. I became free. Until I was set free, I didn’t even realize that I was in bondage to my sin. Christ took the punishment that I, and you, deserve, and through that I am redeemed and will spend my eternity with Him.

I am accepted by God! Ephesians 1:6 says “to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.” (NKJV) Paul addressed this letter to the Ephesians, but it speaks so much truth over my life, and yours too. Every word in the Bible is truth and inspired by God, and I fully believe that God included this in His holy word so that His children would all know that we are accepted by Him through Jesus death and resurrection. What this verse is telling us is that God accepts us as His the moment we accept Christ as our savior. His acceptance of us has nothing to do with anything we do and has everything to do with Jesus. Once we accept Jesus as our Savior and Lord of our life, God no longer sees our sinful selves, yet He sees His son in us.

I am loved! 1 John 4:10 (NASB) “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” Read that one more time and let it sink in a bit. God loves me (and you!) so much that He sent His beloved son to be the ultimate sacrifice, so that we all may be saved. I don’t have children, but I can imagine that most parents wouldn’t willingly sacrifice their own child for the life of another. But that is exactly what God did! He wants us to have a relationship and eternal life with Him so much that He offered up His son. I have experienced all forms of love in my lifetime; love from my parents, my siblings, my sweet fella, family and friends. I have experienced love in ways that I never thought I would, yet none of it compares to the love that I have felt from my Father.

Did you see any similarities in what I have found to be true about what God says about me? The recurring theme is Jesus. It is always Jesus. Because Jesus left his place in heaven, lived on this earth, suffered, died, and rose again, I have salvation. I have eternal life with Christ that began the moment I accepted him as my Savior and Lord. I am a child of God; I am redeemed, accepted and loved. There are many other things that God says about who I am, and who you are, which we will look at next time. Until then, go and live gracefully!

I’ve been reading devotions and blogs for a few years now and I am always amazed at how people seem to be able to take small, everyday things like washing dishes or looking at the ordinary sights of nature, and turn them into an experience from God. I’ve honestly envied it and thought “How do they do that” or “Why can’t I do that?” I mean, after all, I am creative; there is no reason why I can’t come up with something. After some time passed, I would forget about the awesome way a writer tied her mundane task of vacuuming the living room floor into a lesson from God and continue about my daily life.

As my relationship with God has grown over the last year, I have realized that the reason I wasn’t seeing God in the everyday, ordinary things was because I wasn’t connected with Him. Sure I prayed and read my bible, and then I went about the rest of my day, not thinking about it again until it was time to do it all over again. However, with my focus being more on God over the last several months, I have noticed God in ways that I never have before; which brings me to my main point.

The first time I noticed this particular wonder was toward the end of last summer when I was struggling with some anxiety. I have a dear friend who was also going through a struggle at the time, and the Lord was using each of us to encourage the other. On this particular morning, I was driving into work. It’s a 35-40 minute drive, which gives me a lot of time to think about things, which isn’t always a good thing! This day; however, it was a good thing. It was a very dreary looking day; dark clouds and the signs of a storm coming. I was only a few miles from work and I had been looking at these dark clouds for almost 40 miles, not to mention, I was feeling pretty dreary and defeated myself. Out of nowhere, there was a break in the clouds, not a big one, but I could see light shining through a small hole in the clouds and the sun shine and blue sky peeking through. In that moment where I was feeling defeated and worn out, I could hear God whispering to me that although all I could see at the time were dark storm clouds, He was still there, shining just as brightly in my life as He always is.

I had a similar experience today, which brought to mind my previously mentioned experience. I wasn’t feeling emotionally anxious, but physically anxious and experiencing some small anxiety attacks. The sky was dark and it was pouring rain when I left work. After I drove for a few miles, in the distance I could see the bright colors of the sun setting, not a grey cloud in sight.

God is always there, even in the storms of my life. I know, it’s super cliché to say, but He is there. The day I saw the blue sky peeking through the storm clouds, I was amazed. Never had I thought about that even though the clouds were dark, behind it the sun was still shining. It continues to amaze me when I stop and think about it. So often we see only the circumstance that is right in front of us and struggle with figuring out how to make it through. But if we stop and remember, that God is still God and He is still shining in all His glory, even through our darkest times, it will give you peace, it will give you hope.

Romans 8:24-25 says “24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” (ESV) That hope that is ahead, that is always there even during the hardest times of our lives, is only found in salvation through Jesus Christ. Without that, there would be no reason to be hopeful for the future. Without the promise that He has given in His word that one day I will spend eternity with Him without pain, suffering, tears, or heartache, I would have no reason to hope, and no reason to notice the sun shining through the darkness.

              I was looking in one of my notebooks last week and found a page where I had jotted down some scripture, along with the thoughts that I had while reading it. I didn’t read it at the time, but decided to do so today. It is ironic because I included a date at the top of the page, 8/27/16, which was exactly four months ago, today. Today as I read through these passages of scripture and my notes, I was left with a feeling of joy that I have found in Jesus that has helped me overcome the anxiety I was feeling four months ago. It was not the first battle with anxiety, but it was certainly the worst. I vividly remember this night, as I searched for scripture to help me make sense of what I was feeling, and having God speak to me through His word, to reassure me that I am His and that I would be okay. For anyone who may have struggled in the past, or is currently struggling with anxiety, my deepest sympathies go to you. I do not know your personal struggle, but I know mine, and I know that it can be hard. But do not despair, for God loves us and He wants us to come to him with these anxious thoughts and turn it over to Him. I invite you to read the few scripture passages that spoke to me on this particular night and what God revealed to me through His word.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – ESV

Accepting my current state of weakness (anxiety) is a way for God to display His strength through me. Whatever the reason for this season of anxiety, I know it is not in vain. God will use it for a purpose that I do not yet know. He will display Himself in my life in a mighty way, and is certainly doing a work in me!

1 Peter 5:7
“casting all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you.” – NASB

Philippians 4:6-7
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – NASB

God cares for me so deeply, that He wants me to come to Him with my cares and my worries. I wasn’t made to carry that burden on my own, that is why I have a relationship with Him. I may never understand why I have these worries and anxieties, but God’s peace is more than sufficient for me.

Isaiah 26:3
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” – ESV

                I think it’s fitting that this is the last bit of scripture I wrote down on this particular night. I wrote it down, but I didn’t write down what I felt God saying to me through this scripture. I don’t know why I did this. I don’t think it’s because God wasn’t speaking to me, but maybe because I needed to experience what it is truly like to experience perfect peace through God. I can honestly sit here, four months later, and say that I feel I have perfect peace through God because I have finally placed my trust in Him. When I first began having anxiety and panic attacks, I trusted in medicine and doctors, not that there is anything wrong with taking medication. I still do, but I wasn’t communicating with God as I should have been. I didn’t have my eyes fixed on Him and I certainly hadn’t placed all my trust in Him.
                So, what does it look like to place all your trust in God, to focus your mind on the things of God? It’s tough, I’ll say that much. I’ll make excuses such as “it’s hard to put my trust in someone I can’t physical see” or think that there’s no way He can take care of the big things. The only thing I can say is to just do it, just go on and trust Him. I think what helped me is each morning when I pray, I ask for strength and wisdom to handle whatever was going to come my way. And each day He does just that. That doesn’t mean that every day is easy, but I have been able to make it through each day on His strength. Remembering that I am not in control is also a freeing thought for me. When I sit back and remember that God is in control and will take care of, and meet my every need, regardless of what the situation, I can breathe easier. There have been days where I felt I had no job security, that I was going to end up broke and end up homeless. But then that still, small voice whispered to me “No My child, you are not going to be alone and I will always take care of you.”
                In my moments of anxiety, I am reassured that God has my back. God cares for me, and He wants me to give it all to him. He is big enough to carry my worries and anxieties, and He is big enough to handle me and to take care of me. I can absolutely put my trust in Him because He cares. I may not always get this right, but God continues to bring me one step closer to him through my failures, as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him.

          This morning, as I was driving into work, I was overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety over the last several weeks and weeks to come. One of the beautiful things about having a 30-40 minute drive to work is that it gives me plenty of time to spend with the Lord in prayer. One of the pitfalls to having a 30-40 minute drive to work is that it gives me plenty of time to think and dwell on the negative and stressful situations that are awaiting me when I get to work. When I first began the job I am currently in, I was elated. I couldn’t believe the awesome opportunity that awaited me each day to pour into the lives of others and to make a difference. After all, I’m a social worker and making a difference is what we do!

          The problem with this thought process, however, is that I was putting my hope in the idea that this job was going to bring me joy and contentment. I was putting my faith in my own abilities and in thinking that if I did a good enough job, it would make me happy. For a little while, this was the case. Don’t we all do this from time to time? We put our hope in things or people and expect to get joy from the tangible things of life.

          The longer I have been in this job, the more I have found that people are not always what they seem, no matter what they may claim to be, and that if we are putting our hope in people or things, we will often end up disappointed. We weren’t meant to put our faith and hope in others. We aren’t meant to find our joy in the things of this world. The Lord and I had a lot to talk about this morning, rather, the Lord had a lot He wanted me to hear this morning.

          But in the midst of the tears, grief, and anxiety, I found myself still singing and praying to God to renew my spirit and that I would find my strength in Him. Although my emotions may have been all over the place and I was feeling downcast, I felt joy in my soul. Joy, true joy is found in the Lord, it’s an attitude of our heart. It’s not an emotion or a feeling, but a state of being. John 16:33 states “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (ESV). Although I have felt the emotions of sadness and stress, I have also had a peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

          I was listening to a song by Housefires, simply titled “Joy” this morning. One line of the song states “In Your presence there is freedom, In Your presence there is fullness, In Your presence there is joy, Joy forevermore.” This is the most accurate depiction of what joy is, outside of what is found in scripture. Even in our most broken state, we can still have joy in the Lord. Romans 15:13 says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (ESV). Through tear filled eyes, I was still able to enter into the day with joy in my soul and a song in my heart.

          If I have learned anything from not only this weekend, but life itself, is that if we put our hope in others, eventually we will be disappointed. But if we put our hope in the Lord, we will have joy forevermore. He won’t let us down, He will never disappoint us. We will face hard times in this life due to the fact that we live in a fallen world, but as we are told in His word, Jesus has overcome the world. It’s easier said than done to live in a state of peace and joy, but that’s where our reliance on God’s strength comes into play. We absolutely can’t do it on our own, but through His strength, we can do all things (Philippians 4:13).